RWBY 4Kids!: Episode One
by The Draigg
Summary: RWBY: The 4Kids! edition! Based off the style and trappings of the now defunct dubbing studio 4Kids! Entertainment, The Draigg has reinterpreted the first episode of the hit web-anime, RWBY! It's the retelling that everyone asked for! Critics rave that The Draigg's retelling is "something else, alright"! So sit back, enjoy, and don't take too seriously RWBY 4Kids!


**_RWBY 4Kids!: Episode One_**

 **Yo, The Draigg back here once again! Now, you may be asking yourself, The Draigg, why did you make an idea that nobody wanted and whose existence sounds rather painful? Well my answer to that is: I think that some kinds of suffering is funny. You should know that by now. Anyways, before we go, let me say the usual stuff that I own nothing, especially RWBY. Or 4Kids!, even though they've been long dead and buried. Rest in peace, you horrible, nostalgic dubbing company. Now, with that out of the way, let's get started here!**

 **XXX**

 _Legends. Stories scattered through time. Mankind has grown quite fond of recounting the exploits of heroes and villains, forgetting so easily that we are byproducts of a long and tough past._

 _Man is strong, wise, and resourceful, but he was born into a mean world. Creatures of no color — the creatures of Grimm - set their sights on man and all of his bright arts and works. These forces clashed, and it seemed the colorless Grimm were set on ruining man's work and setting them back at step one._

 _However, mankind fought back. When one of their greatest scientists accidentally fused great power and passion into his favorite snack, rock candy, mankind began to bring color back to their world. Soon, they brought back their dreams of color and life, and scared away the Grimm._

 _But even the best colors of the world can fade away into nothing. And when they are gone… black and white will be the only things left._

 ** _But perhaps victory is in the simpler things that you've forgotten. Things that only need dreams and hope._**

 **XXX**

A well-dressed man in white strolled up the street, his black-clad henchmen bullies following. Walking into the nearest candy shop, they stand facing the counter. In the corner, a young girl listens to music while browsing magazines.

The man in while spoke to the elderly shopkeeper.

"Do you know how hard it is to find a candy shop open this late?" he asked. He bit down on the lollipop he had in his mouth for emphasis.

On the man in white's cue, one of the bullies pointed his comically-oversized hammer at the shopkeeper.

The shopkeeper raised his hands in fear. "Please, just take my dollars and leave!"

"Shhh shhh, calm down, we're not here for your bucks," the man in white reassured the old man. Turning to a henchman, he then said, "Grab the rock candy."

Taking cylinders from a case they brought, some of the bullies proceeded to fill the large vials with chunks of rock candy. All sorts of flavors: strawberry, blueberry, grape, etc. Back at the counter, another henchman opened a different case towards the shopkeeper.

"Rock candy. Cherry. On sticks," the henchman gestured to the shopkeeper.

As the old store owner filled up the case, a different bully decided to search the store for more delicious candy to steal. However, he noticed a girl not paying attention to the candy theft happening at the front of the store.

Noticing that the girl was distracted by listening to very classy light jazz, the henchman drew his rolled-up newspaper and pointed at her back.

"Alright kid, turn around," the henchman-bully said. He got no response from the girl. "Hey, I said turn around! Do ya want me to hit you?!"

Grabbing the girl by the shoulder, he spun her around. The hood she was wearing fell downwards, revealing the face of our red-haired heroine: Riley Robertson.

Gesturing to the headphones Riley was wearing, the henchman made her take them off.

"Yes?" Riley politely asked.

"Give me your candy, little girl!" the bully pointedly said, waving his rolled-up newspaper.

Riley paused. "Are you… bullying me?" she slowly asked.

"Yes!" groaned the henchman, annoyed.

"Ohhhh…" Riley hummed.

Back at the front of the candy shop, the man in white waited for his bullies to finish stealing the candy. Suddenly, he heard a scuffle towards the back of the store. He froze to listen.

"Ow, boss! I'm down!" the henchman who was bullying Riley cried out.

The man in white gestured for the bully holding the hammer to act threateningly towards Riley.

"Stop there!" the hammer-bully cried.

Riley, however, decided otherwise. Dashing towards the bully, she grabbed him and launched the both of them out of the nearby open window. Once outside, she made sure that the henchman-bully had fainted. Looking at the group of bullies, Riley unfolded her preferred weapon: her dart-gun/cane, Crescent Rose. Smiling, she planted the head of the giant cane against the ground.

The man in white wasn't impressed at all. How dare she fight back against his bullies! "Okay… get her!" he said to his henchmen.

The bullies swarmed Riley. As one ran towards her, she twirled around on the can and knocked the bully back with the back-blast of her spin. Another bully then came from behind, but he was no match for Riley. Hiking her cane up from the ground, Riley channeled her super-speed to knock her attacker back with a sonic blast of air. Using her sonic speed again, Riley knocked down another henchman while also dodging the spitwad spat out by a different bully.

Riley was simply too fast for these bullies. Dashing up to the spitwad-wielding bully, she then proceeded to knock him back and forth with another burst of her sonic booms. Soon enough, that was the last of the bullies that could fight.

The man in white had had enough of this sorry show. With all of his bullies defeated, he now stood alone. "You were worth every cent. Truly, you were," he snidely remarked to his fallen bullies.

Turning to Riley, the man in white then ate the last bit of his lollipop before tossing away its stick. "Well, little girl, you've really done a number on my bullies. But, as much as I want to pick on you…"

At that, the man in white drew his normal-sized cane and opened the bottom, revealing a cross-hair. "…I've gotta split."

The man's cane fired a firework at Riley, who ducked out of the way from the dangerously-used light show. As the bottle-rocket from the man's cane fizzled out, Riley then noticed him making his escape up a nearby ladder.

Glancing over to the candy store owner, Riley asked, "Mind if I go after him?". All Riley needed was the nod from the man. She sped after the fleeing head-bully, using her super-speed to leap onto the building he had climbed.

"Hey!" cried Riley.

"Persistent…" the man in white grumbled.

However, just as Riley prepared herself to fight the man once more, an airship rose from a side-street below the building. Opening its main hatch, the airship let the man inside.

Picking up a firework, the man in white held it out towards Riley. "That's it, girly," he quipped before tossing the firework at Riley's feet. Then, drawing his cane-launcher again, he shot the firework with a bottle-rocket.

The display of colors and bright lights dazzled the roof and the surrounding area. The man in white allowed himself a mean laugh. Those fireworks must have scared off that girly-girl for sure! But then, his laughter died when he saw something he didn't like.

A lady in a purple cape cast a magic barrier to protect Riley from the bright flashes of light and heat. As Riley looked on in amazement, the lady then turned her barrier into magic bolts to send a warning to the airship.

The bolts launch and detonate a few feet away from the ship, making the pilot inside shake and move her ship from the shock of the explosions. "We've got a Protector!" the man in white yelled to the pilot. The pilot-lady handed the controls to the man in white, wanting to deal with the Protector herself.

Back on the rooftop, the lady with the purple cape readied another volley of warning shots, this time coming from above. As they started to go off, the airship shook more and more.

"The heck…?" the man in white commented to himself. Before he knew it, a magic bolt got a little close for comfort and rattled the airship even more.

Towards the back of the airship, the pilot leaned out of the main hatch. Summoning her magic, markings on the pilot glowed a bright orange. Using her sorcery, the pilot called forth a bigger, badder firework to hurl at the roof.

The lady with the purple cape created another magical energy barrier, similar to the one she used to protect Riley. In fact, using the very same glyph and pose, as if it had been used before.

This time, the firework was even bigger than before, and most certainly would have hurt those on the roof of they didn't have a magic barrier to protect them. As the smoke and dust settled from the display of lights and fire, Riley readied Crescent Rose to shoot some of her tranquilizer darts at the pilot. However, it was too late, as the airship with both the man in white and the fireworks witch flew off into the night.

Despite all the commotion, Riley couldn't contain her excitement any more. Looking at her new friend, she gushed, "You're a Protector! Can we be friends?!"

 **XXX**

Riley looked at the table glumly. Her not-newest friend, the lady with the purple cape, paced the room with a computer tablet in hand.

"I hope you know that tonight wasn't very safe for anyone, you included," lectured the lady. "People's lives could've been put in danger."

Riley couldn't help but protest. "They started it!"

"If it was up to me, you'd be going home with a pat on the back..." the lady mused. Riley smiled at her compliment. "...And a slap on the wrist!"

The lady hit the table with her ruler. Riley squeaked in shock. "But… there's someone who wants to meet you," the caped lady added.

As if on cue, a grey-haired man in a dark suit and green scarf stepped into the small room… holding a coffee mug and a plate of cookies. "Riley Robertson…" the green scarf man noted out loud. "You… sure are something."

Nervous sputtering slid out of Riley's mouth. The green scarf man paid this little heed.

"So!" he chimed, gesturing his head at the caped lady's tablet. It showed Riley defending herself from the bullies. "Where did you learn to do that?"

"S-St. Nigel's Academy…" Riley timidly replied.

"And they taught you how to defend yourself against bullies?" the green scarf man added.

"Well, one teacher there, actually," answered Riley.

"I see…" the green scarf man muttered. He placed the plate of cookies down in front of Riley.

Tentatively, Riley picked up a cookie… before shoving it whole into her mouth. Once she saw that nobody in the room was complaining, Riley began to scarf down the baked treats, until practically none are left.

"…It's just that I've seen someone else use a giant cane like that. A dusty, old crow…" the green scarf man continued.

Riley replied though her full mouth, "Oufth, thathf mah unkfle!". She then swallowed, and tried that sentence again. "Sorry. That's my uncle, Quincy! He teaches at St. Nigel's. I gotta say I wasn't good before. But with him, I'm all like, HOWAAA, WHICHAAA!". She karate-chopped the air at that.

"I can tell," the green scarf man said, before sitting down across from Riley. "So, what's a lady like you doing at such an academy, anyway?"

Riley replied honestly. "Well… I wanna be a Protector!"

"You want to protect people from Grimm?" offered the green scarf man.

That's all Riley needed to fully gush. "Yeah! I only have two years left at St. Nigel's! And then I'm going to apply to Bailey Academy! I mean, my sis is there and she's trying to be a Protector, and I'm trying to become a Protector 'cuz I wanna help people. I mean, people are people, right? And people are cool! Especially cool people who _help_ cool people! Cool people are the bomb! Gosh, it's so awesome!"

The green scarf man and the caped lady both stare at Riley's manic, excited smile. Finally, the man decided to break the silence.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Of course," Riley said. "You're Doctor Ozzie, principal of Bailey Academy."

Doc Ozzie smiled at Riley's reply. "Hello."

"Nice ta meetcha!" beamed Riley.

"Do you want to attend my academy?" plainly asked Ozzie.

"More than breathing," Riley swiftly said.

Doc Ozzie looked over at the caped lady, as if for approval. All he got was a small huff and scowl in response. I wasn't as if her displeasure was going to stop him.

"Well, alrighty," Doc Ozzie finally declared.

Riley's jaw was dropped with excitement. Nothing could bring down her good mood. She couldn't even catch her breath over this opportunity!

 **XXX**

Riley really wished she could breathe right about then. But, that was just her sister after all. Yolanda always was a big hugger.

"Oh, I can't believe lil' Riles is coming to Bailey's with me! This's so radical!" Yolanda squealed.

"Please… stop…" Riley choked out.

Letting her sister go, Yolanda said, "But I'm proud of ya!"

"I didn't do all that much…" deflected Riley.

"Whadya mean, sissy? You were da bomb out there!" Yolanda exclaimed. "Everyone at Bailey's is gonna think you're the bee's knees!"

"I don't wanna be the bee's knees or da bomb!" whined Riley. "I don't want to bomb anywhere. I want to be a not-bomb."

Yolanda's face scrunched a little in concern. "What's with you? You aren't excited?"

Sighing, Riley said, "I really am, I just… I got bumped up forward a lot. I don't want people to pick on me for it."

Yolanda smiled at her sister. She was just so innocent. Draping a friendly arm over Riley, Yolanda reassured her with, "I'll look out for ya."

Suddenly, a noise chimes from a nearby holographic view-screen. Apparently, it was tuned to some _lame-o_ news station. On screen, a reporter was talking about the near-robbery of the candy store that happened the other day.

"The near-robbery was led by bully-leader Robert Thomas, who continues to evade authorities. If you have any information on his whereabouts, please contact the Vale Police Department. Back to you, Lisa," the reporter said.

At that, the screen transitioned to a news anchor with a picture next to her. It showed a group of irate looking animal-people, holding up signs that said things like "WE DON'T LIKE BULLIES" and "DOWN WITH MEANIES". After a second, the image transitioned to a logo which depicted a white wolf's head with its tongue hanging out.

"Thank you, Carl," the anchor, Lisa said. "In other news, this Saturday's Animal-People Anti-Bully Rally turned gloomy when members of the White Tooth disrupted the gathering. The mean bully-team has now bullied—"

The _booooooring_ news broadcast is suddenly interrupted by the holographic ghost of the lady with the purple cape from earlier.

"Hello, and welcome to Bailey Academy!" greeted the hologram.

"Who's that?" Yolanda wondered aloud.

Speak of the devil, the hologram said, "I'm Gloria Nicemage."

"Oh!" piped Yolanda.

Regardless of any outside input, the hologram continued on its pre-recorded message:

"You're a lucky bunch who've received the honor of being selected to attend this prestigious academy! Our world is experiencing a totally wizard time of peace, and as potential Protectors, it is your job to keep it that way. You've shown the guts you need for such a task, and now it is our turn to provide you with the knowledge and the training to stop bullies, and protect those who can't stop bullies themselves."

At the end of it's canned speech, the hologram of Gloria disappeared. Turning away from the projector, Yolanda and Riley, among other students, look out the windows of the airship they're on. Outside, they see the coolest school to ever go to: Bailey Academy.

Riley couldn't help but look out the window with sheer amazement. "Oh wow! I can see my house from here! I guess we aren't going far away after all!"

"Bailey's is our home now," warmly noted Yolanda.

However, this touching moment is interrupted by the sounds of someone retching. A boy with blonde hair staggered towards the back of the ship, back hunched over. It was pretty clear that he was totally going to beef.

"Well, I take it he didn't like the view at all," Yolanda observed.

"It was pretty kewl while it lasted," added Riley.

As the airship traveled over a large body of water, Riley and Yolanda decided to get back to some idle chatter.

"I wonder who we're gonna meet!" Riley thought audibly.

Yolanda scoffed, "Hopefully not Beefer Boy there."

"Oh Yolanda, gross! Ya got puke on your boot!"

"Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!"

"Don'ttouchmedon'ttouchmedon'ttouchme!"

The airship guide the future Protectors towards Baily Academy. Not only did it carry new students, but maybe the hope for niceness in the world too…

 **XXX**

 _Fighting Grimm by lunch time_

 _Stopping bullies by bed time_

 _They won't stop when they stop fights!_

 _They're the one Team RWBY!_

 _Riley will help out her friends_

 _Protecting always until the end_

 _Never will their wills bend!_

 _The members of Team RWBY…_

 _Riley Robertson!_

 _Yolanda Longford!_

 _Bianca Bella!_

 _Winny Sneeze!_

 _This is the day to wait for!_

 _RWBY always has more in store!_

 _Fighting Grimm by lunch time_

 _Stopping bullies by bed time_

 _With her Protector friends to make right!_

 _They're the one Team RWBY!_

 **XXX**

 **You're welcome. Because this is something that everyone absolutely asked for. Also, try singing that theme song out loud. You might like it! But probably not. Anyways, regardless of the filk of it all, feel free to tell me what you think! You know, with reviews, messages, balloons with letters attached to them, messenger pigeons, corpses of your enemies with words carved into your flesh, etc. You know what I mean. Oh, and be sure to give my editor, Falcyon, a hand for making sure this lovely work of literature was just right. (** ** _From Falc: I do not endorse this lunacy on a regular basis._** **)**

 **But, for now, this has been The Draigg, and I'm totally makin' tracks outta here!**


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